AHHHHHHHH!!! Give me all the screaming face emojis.
I am getting married. I am getting married in one week.
(Actually, the one week mark was yesterday, but I wanted to write this post on the one week mark, not before.)
I am sorry if all this wedding talk is getting old, but we are almost done, I promise. In fact, this is the last planned installment. Sniff, sniff.
Back in the summer, when I first decided to record the progress of this wedding chaos, I did so out of a desire to preserve. I want to be able to look back and read what was going through my mind and confirm that it was mostly just a bunch of screaming emojis, happy heart eyes, and a few slightly annoyed eye rolls. I know there are at least seven of you that have been reading these posts with utter delight and giddy intrigue. I know, because that's exactly how I would be. I love getting all up in your business, so please, feel free to get all up in mine. Whether or not I have googled you is the measure of how much I like your blog. It's a nosiness motivated by dreams of imaginary friendship...and it is so much less creepy than it sounds.
So, this wedding. I've been planning it for nearly a year. My person (lately I cannot seem to call him his actual name, it's all coming out in weird, sometimes grossly fifth grade nicknames and I am like "woah, why did that leave my mouth?!") and I got engaged on October 29th of last year, and on October 21st we will marry. So, for 351 days I have been planning, anticipating, and gushing over this great event.
As a child, I would always feel slightly ill on the first day of vacation, Christmas morning, or any long-awaited event. I live off of anticipation, so when the treasure is finally in reach, my only wish is to go back. I do not want to begin, because I do not want to end.
It is a bad habit that I am trying to conquer with Pinterest quotes that tell me to live in the moment. It's bad, in that it often snatches away some of the joy of the event itself because I am so afraid of it being over.
I knew this about myself when I became engaged, which is why I planned my wedding just before Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and all of those lovely distractions. Despite my preparations, my melancholy prophesies are already beginning to come true as the great day approaches. All of the planning, tears, and delights that have been planted over this year are about to blossom into this glorious day and then...what? Then I get to go on an incredible honeymoon with an incredible man that I love and begin an exciting new normal. So much excitement still looms on the horizon, and yet I cannot help begging the days to slow down. This year has been so much fun. I have loved being engaged. It has been the best time of my life. All the anxiety and uncertainty that came with dating faded, and our time together was untouched by the harshness of shared bills, or health insurance. It has been practically the best of both worlds and I have truly cherished it. Though I have no doubt that marriage bring its own set of thrills, I believe that there is something about engagement that is truly special. It gives much security, without the full responsibility.
That said, I am immensely excited to get married. In most ways, very ready and prepared. In other ways, slightly terrified. That's kind of a pattern with me and my life choices.
Sunday my sweetheart and I went out on our last unmarried date. Tomorrow will be our last Sunday at our lovely little church - the place of our meeting - before we become and Mr. & Mrs.. In the past two years there have been so many firsts, and now, as we broach this great event, there are so many lasts.
Now for the details!
I find myself shrieking with joy every couple of hours because "Ahh! I'm getting married!".
I have my rehearsal outfit picked out and my going away outfit hanging in the closet. My suitcase is mostly packed, aside from things like makeup, and toothbrushes, and my favorite pair of jeans that I'll probably wash the night before the wedding so I can keep wearing them every single day.
I am cheating majorly and buying frozen croissants for our post-wedding breakfast. Can you believe that? Oddly enough, I didn't seem to have a spare eight hours to make my own puff pastry the week before my wedding. I might feel worse about that if those Trader Joe's croissants weren't so ridiculously good.
The mister has a new rain coat and he sent me these dreamy Hunter rain boots. Can you guess where we are going? No, not to the rainforest! Geez... Why would I ever choose to be around spiders and snakes?! Keep guessing.
Flowers are ordered and I am so excited to hold my bouquet. If you haven't gathered my enthusiasm for flowers from my instagram feed, I happen to really, really like flowers. Like, my closet floor is covered in silk roses right now that will be suspended from the ceiling, and I have two massive orders of fresh flowers to pick up Thursday morning. Give me all the flowers!
I have practiced my makeup at least half a dozen times and my confidence in doing it is now at a solid 70%. I'm not even that confident in my ability to walk without tripping most days, so I think we are in a good place.
Here we are. Last night, I said goodbye to a whole bunch of very special people that I will not see again until the rehearsal and it felt so strange. I know so much will stay the same, but at the same time, it never will be what it was. It's a wonderful, blissful, dreamy kind of different...but different was always a frightening word to me.
Here we go. Six days. A much more approachable to-do list. A groom I adore. It's beginning to look a lot like wedding time.